September Songs, 2005

Harper,

My fondest spirit guide
I often sense you at my side
though distance does....(as distance should)
disappear at times, for it's own good....

Winter slipped
And summer came
then heat vaporized
to promise rain
I waded deep
in summer sweat
but promises
aren't always met
it's been sultry
it's been long
clouds have not burst
into their song
Today was temporary relief
with kinder winds
but it was brief.

That's the picture here my friend
while you wait for autumn
round the bend.

For your birthday I do wish
to cook a vegetarian dish
I made dinner here last night
I think i got it close to right
if you decide to gently drift
towards this land at anytime
Then as your birthday gift
I will invite you to dine
in my newborn kitchen
that's just begun
to have some kind of
beginner's fun.

Life's been busy
and trifle stressed
I realize
I have digressed
from paths that I would
like to trod.
Sometimes,
in the land of nod.
I dream of what my
life should be
when I wake up
the truth is far
in reality
I'm another me.

It's time I started
trying to do
what I feel for
And what is true
but till such a worthy time
I do resort
to earn my dime
so I can one day
have saved enough
to pay for my way
do my own stuff.

I wonder if
I'm wrong to wait
will it be
a bit too late
when I decide
my life is mine
And I begin to
draw the line
between a life for rent
And a life for real
between what I know
and what I feel.

Harper I think
you're really brave
to have lived that life
and still have saved
so much more for
for what you believe
you played both sides
then took your leave
from that life
which cuts you dry
you chose instead
to learn to fly
and take to wing
your dreams anew
you've stuck by what
you know is true.

I need to learn
I need to see
what I can
or cannot be.

there is no point
to play a role
that does not account
for my heart and soul.

Tell me Harper
am I wrong
to question what I do
is it escapism
from reality
I need to know
from you.

Myopically,
Madeleine

p.s.
As you delve into
your inner vaults
and practise
cosmic somersaults
magic mysteries
will unfold
for your memories
to hold.

Madeleine,
High priestess of the East
These doubts and fears will soon cease
to be a part of your daily realm
For questions are at threshold's helm
to be stepped across and laid to rest
in the yesteryears of a memory chest.

To describe to you these enchanting days
without a trace of twilight haze
would be to delicately trace
the finest line in solemn grace
across life's intricate web
And understand the dance of thread
from spool to warp and weft and loom
And weave the pattern of life's great room.

These days bring happiness and joy,
with love and light, part of the ploy.
To distinguish between the moments when
Sorrow trickles in now and then.
But such transgressions quickly reveal
an adequate time to rest and heal.

It's perfectly fine to question dear
Do what you do, hear what you hear
The time is right for all that you do,
The perfect moment comes from you.

Love,
Harper

from an old sketchbook (of course)

September 2003

To Madeleine,

I question not the sound I write
Feeling forever in my eyes
But amidst it all I'm free inspite
Of heavenly bonds and earthly ties.

Hints and clues come in my dreams
And clarity dawns upon my wake
For who I am might not seem
To be the me my body takes.

I question not the who I am
The what, the where, the why maybe
And oftentimes I think I can
Be the man who's really me.

In distant quarters of my soul
Where pieces fall and wounds have healed
Divinities unwind and stories unfold
Where my truest feelings are revealed.

From Harper

A fragment from an old correspondence dated 24 March 2000..

"i wonder what it is, but it is simply impossible and one of a kind, a THING that transpires
between us, between deitrich and cabot, harper and madeleine, it breathes across magic and
madness, faith and inspiration..."

M

Muddled Madeleine, 26 October 2000

There must be a reason why its impossible to organize these correspondences chronologically. Perhaps they are meant to be read like a stichomancy. Even muddled up they somehow, don't not make sense.

No apologies for the non linearity of our lives...

x

harper so distant
if i were persistent
which i am not
your shirts
you'd have got.
but i'll put that to rest
with my awfullest best
to post it again
to you most tolerant of men.
i'm a sorry excuse
for a girl of no use
the parcel needs packing
thats where
it is lacking
so they sent it back
for me to pack.

its diwali today
and the city's all gay
i've got a cold
and i growing old
is it true that your coming?
or are you just bumming?
banares twice
should be quite nice
but i have to plan
a cameraman
and be on my toes
in video pose

my intrinsic laze
and sleepy gaze
need to be shaken
or my life will be taken
before my eyes
by the next sunrise
its a wonderful job
i should not be lazy
and if that be the case
i'm certainly crazy.

we partied last night
with music and drink
there's much happening around me
but i seldom think
which is more important
to think
or to act?
i cannot do both
and that is a fact.
what is the cure
to being usnsure?
where doth hide strength
along which length?
where do dreams hide?
when you want them by your side?
i'm looking for something
to take me by the hand
looking for a clue
as to where i stand.
my drifting nature
is loosely wandering
and its no surprise
the time it is squandering.

my profession is tough
and it can be rough
my mismanaged brain
a constant strain.
i always wonder
if i can live up
to my idealism
in a small tea cup.
i function by default
with no definite will
all my desires
are fairly still.
they don't initiate
any purpose or meaning
and a lack of passion
is the general feeling
its not even depressing
its just as though
i'm all dressed up
but don't want to go.

if i could be quiet
and reserve all space
for understanding,
absorbing grace
then life might be less
of a mystery
and maybe my confusion
would be history.

such endless rambling
is my favourite way
to escape meaning
with the things i say.

in such irresolution
and sinking state
i'm looking for
a sort of gate
that lets me through
this maze of non-thought
and guides me out
of this hazy plot.

and you i trust are
enlightened somewhat
with acidic visions
that you had got.
write to me longer
on growing stronger
and other debates
of chance and fate.

love
madeleine

Stretched-out Hexepede

An old pome form a sketch book 10 years ago.